Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was CRYING into my vagina
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
