Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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