I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're like the curious george of whores
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize