You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
