whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
