I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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