No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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