making cat noises will not fix the situation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
