yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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