Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
