She's JV to your varsity
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
