Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
