Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
