You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
