then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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