whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
