You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
