watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
