so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
