Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
