I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
