Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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