i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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