Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
