Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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