The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
