You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
