Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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