Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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