i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
