I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
