why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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