he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
