You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just google imaged poop.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
