he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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