I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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