I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
