Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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