When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
