Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
