I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
