You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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