Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
