i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
