I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
