Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
