i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
