As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
