wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
