if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
