if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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