Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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