It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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