in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
