he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
