I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize