a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
