I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
