So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
