I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
