Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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