So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
