Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're too hungover to prance.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
