I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
