don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Randomize
