You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
