hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
