summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
