Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
