Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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