Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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