Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
