He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
