i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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