you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
