how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
