I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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