I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
