The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
