Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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