I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
