smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
