We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
