1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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