remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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