he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
