when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
