I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she woke up with a sticky ear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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