Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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