I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
